Babble

So I hate reading posts that don't have pictures (much like books with only words... what fun is that?)

But I'm feeling so behind and I don't have access to pictures right now, so I'm going to update with just words and promise a post of just pictures soon!

Our life has been pretty crazy. The end of April the older boys got their tonsils out on the same day and Zach got croup the next. It made for a very sleepless, stressful couple of weeks. In the middle of that we realized that Trevor wasn't going to make enough commissions in May to meet our bills. So I went back to work.

Then we found out that we wasn't going to make one penny. So I upped my hours to full time. Cameron's blood test results came back and the answers where the same so we needed to plan a biopsy. But the biopsy procedure was down his throat and since it was still healing from his tonsils we schedule it a few weeks out.

Bills piled up from Trev not making anything and I kept working 10-12 hour days to try to get ahead in any way. Much to our dispare, bills would go through, they would bounce, giving us more fees to make up with no money to do it. We had some very kind family loan us some money to get out of the negative for the time being.

My long days started to wear on the family and Trevor's ability to get anything done with his job so we decided to scale back a little (to about 35 hours a week). Cameron and I spent the day at Primary Children's Hospital while he got some biopsies. He was such a champ. I crossed my fingers and prayed that we would not be getting the results of something terminal.

The next night we looked at bills and realized the hole we were in was getting bigger, and we therefor needed to lay off Trevor's employee (who, by the way, is his brother). We got a meeting time set up the next day to do so.

I went to work early and was working away when I got a phone call (a day early) with Cameron's results. He has celiac. No more gluten, ever again. Huge consequences possible from just a crumb of bread. I pushed it to the back of my mind and kept working...

And met Trevor to lay off his brother. We knew it was the right thing to do, but the hurt in his eyes was over whealming. I broke down a little in front of him. We felt awful.

I went back to work and tried to find time to learn and process the results we had just received. I left work and the moment I got in the car I started bawling. All I wanted was to hold Cameron and never ever let him go so that nothing would ever happen to him. No pain, no hurt, no adjusting to something so huge. I went to crossfit and tried to work it out, but I was in such a haze.

When I got home all the boys yelled, "MOM!" (just like they do everyday) and I felt horrible for having to work at all, let alone so much. I started crying while Trevor held me in the kitchen and the kids just kept asking what was wrong. When I calmed down enough to talk again, I told them I needed a hug. Cameron (my awesome mamma's boy) let me hold him and cry so hard.

I continued like this for a couple of days. I mourned the loss of a normal childhood and teenaghood and everything hood for him. Then I was prepared to tell him. Trevor and I met with him alone and explained that his stomach was different than other peoples (even Owen's) and that eating some foods will always make him sick. But there are so many things that he can eat, and Mommy and Daddy will always make sure that he has something he wants.

Owen came in the room and I asked Cameron to explain what we talked about. He repeated every word, and I could tell he truly understood. My amazing husband quickly got cooking to make a gluten free pizza. It turned out great, and Cameron was so excited to tell the neighbors about his 'special' stomach. (it works out well that he likes attention).

We spent the whole next day (Saturday) learning, and shopping, and cooking for our new lifestyle. The more I researched, the more I KNEW that I had celiac disease as well. I felt over whealmed with the thought of making such a drastic change myself. And Trevor reasurred me to not change overnight, but to take it a day at at time.

I couldn't sleep that night with stomach pains and the thought that if I did literally just make the change overnight, my health would drastically improve. So I listened, and starting that next morning officially cut all gluten out of my diet.

Cameron went to church so excited to show the teacher the bag of snacks to keep there for when he needs something special. The boys started preschool that same week and his head teacher was so willing to work with me on all of it. She even found some gluten free recipes herself.

I met with a dietician at the hospital and he explained the disease and the effects of gluten on a very simple level to me. I finally understood how rediculously serious this all was. How has my body made it all these years? How has my poor Cameron slept when he has that kind of stomach pain?

Understanding it all sent me into another emotional loop. Knowledge was power, but I wasn't sure I was ready to take on such a large feet. Cooking gluten free pancakes in its own pan, with its own knife and its own butter. What a feet in our already busy household.

But I swallowed the pill I was handed and knew that together, we could do anything.

So here we are today. It's been 2 weeks since the diagnosis. Money is still tight (mostly in the negative, sometimes in the positive) I am still working a lot. But I make time for crossfit. And I enjoy bedtime with the kids every night. Those bedtime songs, stories, and hugs melt away any stress. Trevor is an amazing worker and has found a determination I never thought he could have. He is tirelessly working with no immediate reward. Cameron is being the champ of the year. Sometimes upset, but mostly just so excited to feel better. Owen is so supportive and loving and helpful to him. And Zach never stops making us laugh.

So in the end, through all the babble, take away the muck, and I am left with the most beautiful family, and the biggest blessings (and riches) I could ask for!!!